Expectations...

     I went to our first Doctrine Class of the year tonight. (we usually break for the summer) I LOVE doctrine class!  I am always so excited to start again.  We have been doing an overview of the bible throughout the past few years and are just starting the New Testament with the intention of going through the gospels by the end of next Spring. 
    Anyways as we started tonight one of the questions asked of us was what we expected or hoped to get out of this year's study.  I hadn't thought about it and didn't really have an answer right away.  But as I thought about what we would be going over and focusing on, there was one thought that permeated my mind.  What I really wanted could be simply summed up in a few words.  I wanted to know Jesus! 
   I want to clarify that I do not mean to say that I don't already have a personal relationship with Him, and don't already know some of what the bible has to say about Him.  But what I really mean is that I want to know Him anew, in a closer and deeper sense.  It amazes me that the more I seem to learn about Jesus the more I realize how little I know and how much more I have to learn.  I also know that the more I learn about Jesus the more I love Him.  I once read that if we loved Jesus as we ought to, everything else would fall into it's proper place and perspective.  I wish I could say that I know this from personal experience, but unfortunately I, all too often, am grieved by my lack of love for Him. 
     I remember listening to a cassette tape as a child called "Let's go up to the Mountain", on it they discussed the sermon on the mount (geared towards children of course) and they talked about how as we know Jesus more we grow closer to Him and love Him more.  The question was then asked "How do I get to know Jesus more?"  and it was so simply answered.  "How do you get to know anybody more?  by spending time with them!"  By being in God's word, studying and meditating on it and by going to God in prayer we develop a closer relationship to Him. 
     This is what I want.  I want Jesus.  I want my love for Him to increase to such an extent that it just oozes out of me and is visible by those around me!  I want them to see Jesus in me!  I wish that this could happen passively, that I could go to study, listen, and it would just become a part of me automatically.  But this is not the case, it requires me to move.  James says in chapter 4, verse 8, "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded."   To grow in my knowledge of God and in my Love for Him I must first draw near.  To get what I want out of this study, I am going to be required to engage myself wholly in it, not just every other Friday night when we meet, but in study, prayer, and preparation throughout the week.  My steadfastness in these things has always been an area of struggle, I grow lazy and weary, I oftentimes want quick results and am not patient in waiting for the Lord to work in my life.  I am so thankful that He does, and that despite my utter failures again and again, He remains faithful.

Lamentations 3:21-23   "This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope, the Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning, Great is Thy Faithfulness"

Philippians 3:8 "More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,"